apologies anyone?

i read somewhere that sagittarians don't apologize. that they dont believe in saying sorry when the thing they did could happen again. (paraphrased)

i totally agree with this. i mean, i only apologize when ive done something really huge and it hurt somebody pretty bad and i dont mean to repeat it. i dont say sorry for minor things. like almost breaking something, i.e. glass, fave bottle or whatever. and i dont say sorry when the intention i had was good but the person got hurt, so to speak- like holding a hand a bit too strongly, accidentally embracing too tightly.

tho' i say sorry to strangers, like stepping on their foot accidentally. but to a loved one, i dont, i say: oops then smile. maybe i believe that, since the person is a loved one or a family member, i expect her/him to understand and not get offended. s/he's supposed to know when the pain was intentional or not. if it wasn't then no apology is necessary.

am i making sense? i really dont know how to justify how i behave. but i do the extremes. i say sorry when i dont mean it that much(to strangers) and i say sorry when i really mean it (for huge mistakes/wrongdoings) anything in between i consider it unnecessary to do so.

when somebody keeps repeating the word sorry when i already said it's ok, i get irritated. and instead of that thing (whatever s/he did) being totally irrelevant, it becomes an issue because i got irritated and the person is trying to make it into a huge deal so it becomes a huge deal. thats why i hate it when people keeps repeating the word.

it's just like saying i love you. when you keep saying the phrase, morning-noon-and-night, it slowly loses it's value. why cant we just say it once in a while so you'd treasure the moments you heard it? huh?

kaibigan?

i have this ex-friend. hmm...ex kasi she's no longer a friend. she just stopped talking to me, literally.

lemme start from the start (wahehe). i was working as a _____ and after 10 months, my company asked me to look for somebody who'll replace me as i am to be given a different designation (prolly bcoz they dont find me attractive enough to be the face of the company anymore ;>) hehe..nway, i looked far and wide (charing) for this person tlga..kasi natural, i want the replacement to be pretty to say the least and matalino. so i found this charming sagi who is an iska as well. so ayun..tinanggap sya, recommended ni yours truly eh aside sa pretty tlga sya. the day she was supposed to start, she called me up saying she has this very big problem and that she might need to go home to pinas. i asked her what her prob was, maybe i could help. so she told me, she was pregnant and she wants...

o....k.di ba? kaya ganun ang decision nya kasi:
1. she's married in the phil (tho' hiwalay na pero wla pang annulment) but didnt declare herself married here (she's still single accdg to all her papers)
2. di nya asawa ang nakabuntis
3. she's in a very strict country (bawal ang makisiping sa taong di mo asawa or kung single ka di pede mabuntis-either points lagot sya-deportation and/or jail ang labas nya)
4. may anak na sya na nasa asawa nya pero sya ang ngsusuporta financially
5. kung uuwi sya ippatanggal din nya pro di nya sasabihin sa nanay nya
6. she doesnt wanna hurt her parents anymore daw kaya di tlga pede ituloy.

personally, i am pro-choice..fine, fine...i know some would react to this. but this is just me.

so i asked her how i could help. she said tulungan ko daw sya hanap ng mg... in this country, that's like finding a needle in a haystack. but resourceful that i am, i was able to find somebody who knew somebody who knew somebody who had...

and so...i gave the contact details to her. she was able to start in our company after a week. we were good friends for a while. she goes to my house, i go to hers, we were neighbors. i was even asked to lie once kasi ayaw nya malaman ng bf nya ung pinaggagawa nya. but that's friendship, ryt? you choose where your loyalties lie.

then 7mos passed and i was tapped for another promotion. all along we assumed that since she was the one who replaced me at my previous position, that she'll replace me in this one but no...she wasn't tapped. we were still okay then. we ride the same car to and from work. then she got her license..we made a lot of plans for when she finally gets her car.

then one day she told me if i could ask that somebody who knew somebody who knew somebody who had...for the contact details again. sabi nya for a friend daw. i told her, ayoko na lumapit dun kasi i'd look too much of bad person nmn. all my friends go for a ...? so i told her to ask herself since she knows that somebody nmn, pasensya na. she was disappointed. but thinking ko was, she should have kept the details, dpat di nya tinatapon. i dont have plans of getting any... so why should i be the one with the details, ryt?

after another 9mos, i was informed that finally i would be transferred to the department i've always wanted to be in. i was so excited. because i even would be provided a flat and not just an allowance. our relationship then was still ok albeit a little strained (i dunno why) there were just times that she doesn't look me in the eye anymore and she stopped telling me her secrets and her problems. she moved to another place. but we were still ok, or i'd like to think so.

then she got her car. she asked me once to ride with her going home and that was it (maybe that one ride was her way of repaying all the rides she got from my car-i dunno) she would go out for lunch with all the other filipinas and not invite me. but to think i always, always made it a point to invite her and her boyfriend whenever hotels invited me before, for dinner, lunches, etc (i used to be the contact for all hotel echos) but now that she's handling the hotels, she never even once invited me.

yeah, bitter right? i am...because you know what? i didnt do anything bad to her. i was always accommodating ('xept that one time) and the bad thing is, we work for the same company. i find it hard to work wit her. i'm no hypocrite. whenever ngkkasalubong kme, she acts like am some kind of air lang...unseen. haaay...what could be wrong with her?

moi moi moi..tout moi

ure one person who could sound so demanding yet so sweet- an old friend

i love reading things about myself. i love talking about myself. oh the curse of being an egotist! hahaha...

larawang kupas

i've always believed in the past being the past, no point of returning to it. a closed chapter that should remain closed forever. but in reality, it doesn't really work that way.

some people no matter how hard you try to forget persistently resurfaces every once in while.

like this ex. hmmm...my 1st actually. it's been 11 years or is it 12? we broke up because my parents thought this person was not good enough for me and frankly because...it really wasnt love-what we had. we were too young. we were bestfriends and i only said yes to us being an item for fear of losing the friendship.

since high school, this person has resurfaced thrice already. 1. when i was a freshman in college and stayed at my first boarding house on campus, i received a call. 2. during my third year in college while i was staying at my second dormitory inside the campus, i received yet another call 3. for the past couple of weeks, messages have been left on my friendster account. one of which mentioned that our pic which was taken in high school is still inside the wallet this ex is carrying and that, well...this ex hasnt really stopped loving me and wants to marry me.

if you really think about it, it is creepy. i was even told by this person waaaay back then: "no matter where you are, i will find you". i didnt really give it much thought then. after all, it was a high school thing. but now? oohhh..scary.